Funny Readin'

Cowboys Still Exist

Three strangers strike up a conversation in the airport passenger
lounge in Bozeman, Montana, while awaiting their respective flights.

One is an American Indian passing through from Lame Deer.
Another is acowboy on his way to Billings for a livestock show.

The third passenger is a fundamentalist Arab student, newly
arrived at MontanaState University from the Middle East.

Their discussion drifts to their diverse cultures.
Soon, the two westerners learn that the Arab is a devout, radical
Muslim and the conversation falls into an uneasy lull.

Finally, the American Indian clears his throat and softly he speaks,
"At one time here, my people were many, but sadly, now we are
few." The Muslim student raises an eyebrow and leans forward,
"Once my people were few," he sneers, "and now we are many.
Why do you suppose that is?"

The Montana cowboy shifts his toothpick to one side of his mouth
and from the darkness beneath his Stetson says in a smooth drawl
. . "That's 'cause we ain't played Cowboys and Muslims yet, but I do
believe it's a-comin."

Carnation Evaporated Milk

The next time you open a can of Carnation evaporated milk for
your recipes, just smile and think of this.

A little old lady from North Carolina had worked in and around her
family dairy farms since she was old enough to walk, with hours of
hard work and little compensation.

When canned Carnation Milk became available in grocery stores,
she read an advertisement offering $5,000 for the best
slogan/rhyme beginning with "Carnation Milk is best of all."

She sent in her entry, and about a week later, a black limo drove
up in front of her house. A man got out and said, "Carnation
'LOVED' your entry so much, that even though we will not be able
to use it, we are here to award you a consolation prize of $1000,
that we've made available just for the originality of your entry.

Here is her original entry:-
"Carnation milk is best of all,
no tits to pull, no hay to haul
no buckets to wash, no shit to pitch,
just poke a hole in the son-of-a-bitch."

HOW TO INSTALL A HOME SECURITY SYSTEM IN THE SOUTH

1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's
used size 14-16 work boots.

2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy
of Guns & Ammo Magazine.

3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and
magazines.

4. Leave a note on your door that reads:

Hey Bubba, Big Jim, Duke and Slim, I went for more
ammunition. Back in an hour.
Don't mess with the pit bulls-- they attacked the
mailman this morning and messed
Him up real bad. I don't think Killer took part in it
but it was hard to tell from all the blood.
Anyway, I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better
wait outside.

"Cooter

Al Gore and Bill and Hillary Clinton go to Heaven.

God addresses Al first.
"Al, what do you believe in?''
Al replies: "Well, I believe that I won that election, but that it was
your will that I did not serve. And I've come to understand that now.''

God thinks for a second and says:
"Very good. Come and sit at my left.''

God then addresses Bill.
'Bill, what do you believe in?''
Bill replies: 'I believe in forgiveness. I've sinned but I've never held
a grudge against my fellow man, and I hope no grudges are held
against me.''

God thinks for a second and says:
"You are forgiven, my son. Come and sit at my right.”

Then God addresses Hillary.
"Hillary, what do you believe in?''
She replies: "I believe you're in my chair.''

The Pond

An Irish farmer walking through his field, notices a man drinking out
of a pond.

The Irish farmer shouted:
"Paid a yfed a dwr, maer gwerthin wedi cachu un a for."

Which in Gaelic means:
"Don't drink the water the cows have shit in it."

The man shouts back: "I'm a muslim, I don't understand.
Please speak in English."

The Irish farmer says: "Use two hands, it holds more"!!!

Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking age
for Rednecks to 32 ?
It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools.

Two reasons why it's so hard to solve a Redneck murder .
1) The DNA is all the same
2) There's no dental records

Who invented the toothbrush ? . .
A Redneck.
(If it had been invented by anyone else, it would have been called a
teeth brush.)

A new Redneck law was just recently passed .
When a couple gets divorced, they are STILL cousins.

H ours

Political Correctness
Political Correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical
minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream
media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to
pick up a turd by the clean end.